Funny
November 5, 2012

I Believe This Was the End of My Clothing Catalogue Copywriting Job

By Dan Kennedy

Page 3: Swiss Mountaineer Cashmere Sweater
Remember the 1992 Swiss expedition to Mt. Everest? Got within 660 ft. of the summit, with a head full of Gin, no less. Yes, you are classic. Like our favorite sweater for thirty years running; soft but tough, current and timeless, stripped to the essentials. Everyone at the top of that mountain was missing the point, if you ask me. Not you, you knew the value of twisting and lurching your way up and stopping 660 feet shy of a predictable conquer, never longing for planting a flag like the do-gooder stiffs. Granted, it got you where you are today - far from reaching any kind of personal peak, full of nervous ticks, and dodging calls for so long you can't remember what it's like to take one. Oh, what the hell, we're here then we're gone, none of it will matter in a hundred years, but right now it's all good with the Swiss Mountaineer Cashmere Sweater. Available in Charcoal and Wheat.

Page 5: Basic Black Cashmere Turtleneck
Remember when America was still someplace that seemed like the movies? Before the grit was pressure washed away by a steady stream of soft boys falling into dot com cash and skipping manhood altogether? There was a time, my friend - bank presidents wearing thirty-eights in shoulder holsters; JFK and Marilyn Monroe keeping it on the down-low; everyone looking like they had yacht orgies, had a key to the club in Chicago, and hunted big game with a British friend. In short, a nation that was relaxed in fit, sporting with formalities, and hadn't lost its edge. Jesus, I long for the days when we had the nuts to try and the heart to keep trying. When Lennon was in India trying not to lose his mind and Ursula Andress was laying on a beach setting Christ aflame in heaven every time he looked down here. I'm talking about a woman - a star! - Not some reality TV desperado chick washed up by twenty-six, fifty video cameras plastered to every corner of her house and a camera crew following her while she drives to a grocery store on Ventura Boulevard in sweatpants and a tiny tee shirt. I'm just going to come right out and say it: get back to where you once belonged with our Basic Black Cashmere Turtleneck. This thing's a time machine, Sir. Go ahead and step into it --we've got your back and chest, arms, and neck.

Page 9: Cashmere Wrap Skirt
A classic touch of style for that autumn weekend in San Sebastian, and perfect for basking pensively on strolls near cliffs. It will look just as good in Lisbon the day after tomorrow. God, it will look good in Lisbon. How did we wind up being each other's ghosts again? Some nights I swore I could hear you. Being apart has been the only permanent mistake I have ever made, but it probably saved my life, too. I can't tell you how much things changed, how my days have been tamed, but tonight feels beautiful and dangerous and improbable and too interesting to stop no matter how wrong it might be; sort of like letting a rainforest burn just to see what kind of wildlife comes running out. What are the chances of us again, because this feels like fate. Skin tastes faintly of smoke and briny breeze, port, and being alive. Tomorrow when you're gone, I swear to God, I'm right back to being dead. Upper-waist of wool and cashmere blend. Trimmed with woven-fringe. Dry clean only.



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